These last few weeks have been difficult emotionally, I think it’s because everything is starting to sink in and my ego is starting to take over. It is also the beginning of summer which means, swim suits, tank tops and low cut shirts (I can’t wear a turtle neck every day lol) everything I put on reveals my scar, my prosthesis or shows that I have one breast. Then I start to feel like I am no longer physically attractive, that I am damaged, I could go on and on…..and than I start thinking about all of the amazing and brave women that have or are living with Breast Cancer, and how we are expected to just be positive because we are “Breast Cancer Warriors”, move on, be brave, we got this! Guess what? There are days that I don’t and that I feel sorry for myself, because of what my body has done to me. Then the guilt sets in, because I am not allowed to grieve, I have children, a job and a husband to take care of…..does any of this resonate with you?
Well guess what, we are allowed to grieve for what was and what is, and Glennon Doyle says it perfectly in her book “Untamed”, “When grief rings: Surrender. There is nothing else to do. The delivery is utter transformation.” We need to give ourselves permission to be sad about our Breast Cancer and what it has both taken and given to us. We are not the same women that we were before our diagnosis and we won’t be the same women after. Ironically, before this happened to me, I would often cry for women around me that had been diagnosed, I felt a deep sense of compassion and empathy for what they were going through, both emotionally and physically and I always thought to myself, that I would never be strong enough to deal with it, yet here I am.
Being able to fully surrender to your feelings of grief is not a weakness, it is about you being strong enough to know that you need time to heal, time to accept your new body, and time so that you can emerge from that cocoon you are in, into that beautiful butterfly that you are meant to be.
I would love to hear your stories, so that they can be shared with other women to help To inspire them, and to help with their healing process.